Say goodbye to the man

What can you do if you are locked in your house due to health issues, if you are bed bound, or abandoned by the community, or maybe because there is no community, or if you alienated yourself and are becoming catatonic? What can you do if your relative, or someone in your proximity is in that state? There are quite a few people in similar states and people in their environment seem not to know how to help them. Maybe they don't want to help them, blinded by unconscious egotistic drives, by early childhood trauma induced destructive impulses. I think it would be a good idea to dwell on these questions and try to come up with possible answers. I keep having ideas about what I would do when I see people in similar states, often I would do things differently to how they are done usually. There are a lot of drugs and drugged individuals out there. There is a massive addiction to pharmaceutical drugs, TV, junk food, again, going unseen, perceived as normal. Try organic porridge instead of Kellogs cornflakes and other sugary-shit-cereals. Consider dumping your TV. Try yoga, meditation, blogging, one can learn using a computer and the internet even at 200 years of age. Even if you can only move an inch of your body, move it. There should be more people available to do massage therapy for others with limited, inhibited movement. It is common in the UK to leave people in their hospital beds for weeks. I heard many times from people that they were left in their beds for four-six weeks. That is just unacceptable. The purpose is probably to actually make them debilitated and more dependent on drugs and care. Also, some people seem to have promising plans with dependent people's property. I think, consciously or unconsciously, the way it works is that groups of people in health care profit from dependence, and that is the main drive for health care. It would be helpful to move towards contributing to a community of independent individuals. Listen to classical music. Instead of turning on the TV for someone catatonic, turn on classic fm. Music therapy. Self music therapy. TV streams death. Talk about NDEs, talk about dying. It is OK to die. Are you worried about losing your loved one or losing your inheritance? Locking "demented" individuals in their houses, not good. Locking them into a nursery home regime pseudo-safe prison scenario, not good. At least one elderly woman is being locked up in her own home by her daughter because "she has dementia and otherwise she wanders out." There should be a place available, where she can mix with healthy, living beings, ideally with some who understand childhood trauma and regression. There could be such a group available to go and visit her at her place and play music, and dance, or meditate together, take a walk, so that she would not have to wander alone. By the way, is anyone conscious of a concrete purpose for getting out of their homes? I mean, I think everyone wanders, and having been diagnosed with dementia or not, not one person seems to have a clue why. It might help, following natural dictates, if the natural state of one's body, or that of an other, would not be a taboo, if people would allow each other to wander naked anywhere on earth or extra terra or extra materia. How sick we are as a humanity being afraid of the sight of our own bodies. Instead of the police bringing her home locking her up, they could celebrate life together. As I write this, this example connects to the story of the 14 year old girl who ran away from her sick family after being forced into an arranged marriage and getting raped by her adult "husband". The elderly woman is in a state of regression and naturally runs away from the locked up state (of consciousness), similarly to the 14 year old girl, and they are both being brought back by police. One important aspect of the elderly woman's situation is that she probably abused her daughter the exact same way. Probably she locked her daughter up as a way of punishment for some power related, childhood trauma generated unconscious reason. Also, another scenario I come across a few times is when the grown up children of frail elderly persons treat their parents as little children. I think of attitudes that generate phrases such as "Say goodbye to the man" and "Did you you say thank you?" and "Can I have a smile?". Often the whole environment and circumstances resemble the sine qua non abusive dependent child-parent relationship. My initial reaction to these situations was "Wow..." and that this was not right, they should not disrespect these elderly people. Although I still think it is not right, I realized that these grown up children react in ways they have learnt to react from those exact same parents when they were children. This is, for them, them way to treat a vulnerable, dependent creature. Abusive.

I know that the the reason for whale killing is child abuse, but what is the solution? How to contribute to people becoming more conscious of the truth? Conscious of the underlying factors for our actions. R.D. Laing suggested that it is more important to get out of prison than getting to know the reasons for getting in. So how do we get out? At this moment I think it is important to understand how child abuse drives violent act out. It would be transformative for individuals driven by unconscious hatred towards their parents to realize that they were abused and that is why they enjoy cutting the heads off of cetaceans who are unable to defend themselves, who probably come happily to aid us and make friends, to exchange ways of living a freer, fuller, richer existence. It would be transformative for communities of people to realize, to become able to see that torture is a metaphor for having been tortured.

Bare with me

Now. The starting point of this writing is the pressing desire to write. It is a sort of hyper attention deficit desire, at least these are the first words in English that come to my mind when trying to describe it. "So why an English teacher?" an English colleague asked me the day we have all successfully finished the teacher course. Why do I write in English, is something that makes me think. First of all, it is a challenge, and it is also quite subversive. The kind of denial that is functioning in writing in Hungarian, for me, seems to be different to the denial working in English. My mother does not speak English, she will not be able to read what I write in English. Neither does my father. At this point I will try not to go further into that, as I have read quite a few times about the perils of discussing one's personal emotional history publicly. At least before one had some luck processing it. It can become intellectual. I mean, one can become preoccupied with thinking about trauma without feeling the old pain, or without even realizing that one is not feeling but is only thinking about stuff.

I am looking at my notes from this week, and I will put some of them down here. So. It feels like jumping down from a cliff. Or rather, when you climb higher on a wall, and it becomes more and more scary and your hands start to sweat. My hands sweat.

"Be a hero or die trying" was the title of an article on wingsuit base jumping. I don't think that you should be a hero, or will be a hero, or more precisely, I do not think that the point is to become a hero. Those jumpers who died did not become heros, or if they have, that is not the point, that was not their genuine aim, I suppose. Rather, it connects to that Alan Watts talk excerpt on "if money was no object". Now the whole sentence wants to be a link. I have no idea how to get rid of this. But here we go. I have picked this "But here we go" up from an elderly English guy. The browser froze as I tried to fix the hyperlink and now I lost track of what I wanted to say. Nevertheless... Although I have no idea why this particular form of existence, the other day I had an enlightening experience and saw clearly that although I have no idea why this particular form of existence, only in this form of existence the sublime beauty of the music of an Eric Dolphy or Thelonious Monk can be experienced. In 1965 McCoy Tyner and Elvin Jones left John Coltrane because they could not hear anything but noise. Coltrane in his subjective experience resonated with his music. What does this connect to? For example.

I envision readers turning away in disgust or simply bored. This is why people do not write, and this is why people isolate themselves. Shame. Because of the feeling of shame. To contribute to healing our collective wounds is one of my aims with this sort of self expression. Before you die, what can you do to live life to the fullest, to be respectful and loyal to yourself, to your own call? Jodorowsky says in one of his talks that if one wants to play the piano, one can start to do it, and that the important thing is to start. He has his spoon and mountain analogy that connects. We can move a mountain with a spoon. We can start moving it. I see a lot of people "living" in a sort of inertia, or catatonia, a state of self abandonment, seemingly not being aware of their own state of mind or of their options to change. This catatonic state of being is destructive to life.

I am not happy to see the kind of traffic that exists in London. The other day I felt like a grain of sand waiting for the light to change watching hundreds of cars roaring by, with only one person sitting in each of them, and I thought, what is going on with humanity? This issue might sound trivial and I know, most people don't even notice, and probably that is why it exists. To me it is not trivial, I felt alien, those people in their cars have a completely different view of life and why is it not obvious to them that they are suffocating themselves and me and others. Get a bicycle. Why does one need the latest land rover? Preoccupation with size. Clearly there is a power issue. Am I envious? Maybe. Stanislav Grof writes somewhere about a toxic womb and how urban living and pollution is symbolic, and is an act out of a collective toxic womb experience. Get a bicycle and be proud of being part of a community that oriented itself towards becoming harmonious with nature, a community that learned to live with its environment, like cetaceans have. Learn from whales. Instead of cutting them up. By the way. The violence at the Faroese is a result of child abuse. They abuse their children, and they all take it out (act it out) on whales. sometime from conception/womb life/birth through the first years of life these people all experienced profound terror as innocent children, which they act out similarly violent ways on similarly helpless (as they were as children) creature.. this scenario is a metaphor for early childhood trauma... It is not only true of these Faroese, but probably 90% of human beings... Government protects it because individuals do not want to reexperience, face their pain, do not want to remember, there is a denial of truth, of hurtful experience.

The reason for the Faroese massacre is child abuse. Mind you, these violent communities are a threat to human beings as well as other life forms. It would be a good idea to look at their child rearing practices, from conception through the first years of life, and making that part of the discussion. The picture of a child with a dead whale embryo is telling. Innocent beings with their heads cut off, something very similar must have happened to the aggressors themselves which they are acting out. They must have been treated, when they were similarly innocent, violently. Maybe it's circumcision, or something like that. Something that most people share in their community, childhood pain that they protect with laws and army. Same story as nazis killing jews, same as jihadists beheading people.

I did follow up Captain Paul Watson's post that called for writing to Danish politicians. I wrote what I thought about the connection of child abuse and violence and urged them to look into how they are perpetuating the situation. Some of those letters might serve as good seeds and take root. 

How to change the world? It might help to consider Jodorowsky's spoon and mountain analogy. It might also help to get a bicycle and ride it instead of driving a car. You save money and resources, you can listen to podcasts or music and if at the end of the day you happened to die, you cabn have that as a genuine excuse for having lived a meaningful life. I am sure take it into account in Hell as well, when it comes to eternal suffering. We might get away with half eternal, or a lower temperature cauldron. My purpose, I thought the other day, was to give those sitting comfortably in their car having a gist of what I see of them. I am very unhappy about the noise drivers create, unhappy about toxicating the air I breathe and the space roads and cars take up. Unnatural. There is no excuse. Cars and roads must go. I imagine a London completely free of cars, where people walk barefoot on soil, where there is no need for concrete to cover the soil and where activity destructive to life is seen as such and a conscious, collective effort is made to rebalance. 

What can you do if you are locked in your house due to health issues? If you are bedbound, or abandoned by the community? Bear with me (bare with me might be more accurate), I have some ideas. This is going to be the starting point for my next post...

Közösség?

Közösség?

"Sokan vágynak arra, hogy öngyilkos merénylők legyenek" Arról kellene még beszélgetni, hogy az öngyilkos és a merénylő azért vágyik öngyilkosságra és merényletre, tudatosan, vagy tudatalatt, mert gyermekkorában bántották, olyanok akiket hasonló módon bátottak. Az idegengyülöletet érző ugyancsak azért érzi az idegengyületet, mert gyerekkorában bántották. A gyerekkor alatt a fogantatástól számított első évek értendők. Mit lehet tenni az erőszak ellen? A legkevesebb az az, hogy vigyázzunk, hogy ne okozzunk fájdalmat a gyerekeknek. Meg kell teremteni számukra a fejlődéshez szükséges környezetet, teret ahol szabadon fejlődhetnek, ahol zavartalanul követhetik a saját érzéseiket, ösztöneiket. A kerítés is azért épül Magyarország határán, mert a kerítésépítők csoportját bántották. A természetes az, hogy nincsenek határok, és az, hogy az erőszak elől menekülőt az egészséges közösség befogadja, megvédelmezi. Engem bánt a gondolat, hogy nem sétálhatok át a szántóföldön a szerb határon. Egy olasz barátom írt a múltkor, Belgrádból, áradozott róla, és Magyarországról kérdezett, fontolgatta, hogy oda is ellátogatna néhány hónapra hazafelé menet. Nem repül. Carpoolinggal közlekedik Európában. Simán arabnak néznéd, vagy romának. Mit érezhet egy utazó egy ilyen határkerítéshez érve? Nekem az első gondolatom most az, hogy "micsoda gusztustalan közösség élhet itt". Itt Londonban száz meg száz különböző származású emberrel dolgoztam, találkoztam, beszélgettem. Számomra a legjobb dolog itt Londonban, hogy annyi különböző ember él itt, és hogy megtanultam, hogy az ember az ember, mindegy, hogy hová valósi, vagy hogy hogy néz ki. Nincs különbség, a baj az, hogy közösségi szinten az emberekben elfojott gyerekkori bántalmazás fájdalmai lappanganak, átérzetlenül, és az a tudatalatti fájdalom fejeződik ki. Azért is írok erről, hogy így leírva átgondoljam, és beszélgetést kezdeményezzek, hogy ezt megértsük. Azt látom, hogy a gyerekkori bántalmazás az oka annak, hogy egy embernek menekülnie kell, annak is, hogy valaki hatalamaskodni akar felette, és annak is, hogy a közösség betolakodónak látja. A szimbolizmus amit a menekült-magyar kifejez, az gyerekkorban alakult ki gyerek-szülő között. Az idegengyűlöletet érzőt a szülei, a környezete ugyanazzal az érzéssel gyűlölte, tudatosan, vagy tudatalatt. Persze ők ezt a gyűlöletet szeretetnek nevezték és ezért nehéz látni a helyzet igazságát. A kerítésépítő politikus a legjobbat akarja, meg az újfasiszta ideológiával szimpatizáló is, mint ahogy őket is a legjobb szándékkal szégyenítették meg és erőszakolták meg a szüleik, ezt tanulták meg, számukra ezt jelenti a "szeretet". Alice Miller szépen leírta, hogy a német közösség milliói miért támogatták és valósították meg Hitler fantáziáját. Hát azért mert hasonló terrorban volt részük gyerekkorukban, hasonlóképpen erőszakolták meg őket és az elfojtott gyűlölet ami a szüleiket illette volna (de nem merték gondolatban sem hibáztatni a szüleiket további büntetéstől rettegve) az a zsidó szimbólumra vetítődött ki, meg az egész világra. Végre ők lehettek a hatalmasok, és nem a szüleik. Ez egy perverz szituáció, egyáltalán nem egészséges dolog, az egészséges az az, hogy gyerekként az embert védelmezik, táplálják, szeretik és megteremtik számára a szabadságot és biztonságot, hogy kapcsolatban maradhasson az érzéseivel. Az az egészséges, hogy olyannak fogadják el, amilyen, azért ami ő, és nem várják el tőle, hogy olyan legyen amilyennek a szülei akarják látni. Ne várják el emberek emberektől, hogy a rendszerbe illők legyenek. Ne az ideológia szabja meg az ember fejlődését. Azért épül kerítés, és azért vágynak öngyilkosságra és merényletre emberek, mert nem tartják tiszteletben felnőttek gyerekek természetét. A természetes az a változás, a spontaneitás, az ismeretlen, a fejlődés, a szabadság, az érzések. Mellébeszélés van. Például a körülmetélés élményének szubjektív élményéről kellene beszélgetni, és a visszaemlékezők beszámolóit kiplakátolni.

watching TV

On my mind are the following. The sound of construction work and a lawn mower overpower the birds. I am not sure what types of bird, it would sound much more intelligent if I did. There seems to be a never ending scaffolding business going on. Am I the only one around finding the noise unnatural? My neighbours seem to have a different idea about noise. To some of them one practicing on an instrument is unbearable noise. Must be a similar experience to my perception of the sound of a chainsaw. I like listening to the one playing the piano on the other side of the wall. One thing that is on my mind, and something that I would like to see realised is a more frequent happening of open gatherings. Initially I visualise a summer dinner down the street, something like the dinner scene on the street in Fellini's Rome. Of course here in London the weather might be a disadvantage, but if people wanted to we could create it. A happening. Where people are free to join, and feel free to join, any stranger would feel welcome. There would be dance, conversation, healthy fresh food, cooking together, playing of instruments, jamming, singing. Not only once a year on a bank holiday, but every week. Not only at a special place but on every street. All these isolated neighbours who rot in their own flats wasting their lives watching TV would find healing in such gathering. This is something that London needs more, or at least this area. Of course the "community" living here might not want this to happen at all, and that is fine, if people want to rot away and stay dead, let them be. But it is an idea I feel like sharing. There are a lot of pubs and night clubs of course, but to me it seems that mostly those places available at the moment serve a different purpose. The purpose of distraction, of getting drunk, of supporting a false sense of comfort.

Another thing that is on my mind and I want to mention is the destructive effect of TV on life, on the quality of life people lead. There is an immense problem with television addiction in our community and it seems to go unnoticed. So this is an attempt to bring any amount of attention on this issue. Television addiction seems to eat up people's lives and it is considered normal. Most importantly, in my opinion, we should look at what drives television addiction, what is the reason for people spending hours watching TV destroying themselves and what can we do to create an environment that supports engagement in meaningful activity. Watching TV, in my opinion - and you are free to rot away watching TV if you want to - is not only meaningless, but is damaging to one's body and life experience, the activity of watching television serves as a distraction from experiencing the gaping void of unfulfilled need, and TV will never fill that need. Something else will, and it would be a good idea to spread the information and work on and realise ideas that help filling that unfulfilled need, or that heal that wound somehow, the wound that is the cause for the craving of watching television. I guess it comes down to the lack of genuine social life for those watching TV. It might be helpful to have a welcoming group available with some people who are alive and healthy and feeling, that show the example of liveliness to those numbed by TV. Social workers and carers, GPs could refer to this group when they encounter anyone with a TV in their homes. You know, "do you have TV at home?" and then refer to the supportive services. TV addiction is just as damaging to one's health and to the community's as heroin addiction, alcoholism, or meaningless slavery work. Check this book out for further reading: Four Reasons for the Elimination of Television by Jerry Mander, you can get it for about £4 on amazon or waterstones marketplace.

Circle of buggied mothers

The Hungarian word "ember" /ɛmbɛr/ means human being, and it is neutral, refers to both man and woman. As the English language uses man primarily for a human being, "ember" is used primarily in Hungarian. I think this example is good use of language in Hungarian. Similarly the pronouns he and she are expressed with the word "Ő" /ɜ:/. What is this an analogy for will possibly come to my mind in the future. The world being one for example, everything is connected - an idea that is not supported, in my mind, by thorough research. I felt like expressing it anyway.

I wanted to continue writing and posting, as I still feel the motivation and especially so as the first post seemed to spur my mind to express more. Stirred my mind. As if sand and rubbish and bits of remains of possible treasures on sunken ships or what not are coming to the surface. Fear. It is clearly fear that pushes me to write. I find it important to explain the purpose for writing, even though I am or was afraid of writing explanations in these posts. For instance, as I wrote this last phrase down I realised that by thinking about the purpose, the purpose of writing becomes clearer to me. So this is, probably the main reason basically, that I think about stuff, and writing it down and making it public makes it clearer. It is one thing to write for myself, in a diary, and it is another to make it public. When I make it public I become afraid and anxious - "oh what did I write, what did I say?" "who is going to read it" "what do they understand" "Oh they will misunderstand that, I didn't mean that" "Oh whatever let them misunderstand it".... and so on and so forth. I cannot promise to be absolutely open and free in writing, at this point, but that is my aim, to become more open and free and contribute to a freer expression and relationship of subjective realities. Tomorrow I might see it somehow differently, and this is something else I wanted to mention, that I retain my right to change of perspective. Is this an unconscious way of defense, defending against childhood pain by coming up with a list of excuses? I do not know, but here we go.

Today I wrote down, in Twickenham (or Whitton, which is considered not a part of Twickenham by some and nonexistent by others) a sketch of what I wanted to say. Ideas and thoughts keep appearing for me on the bicycle and if I don't write them down at that moment they seem to disappear. For one thing, it would be good to see what others really thing about different areas of life. I mean, on facebook, for example, the question "What is on your mind" is an important question, however commercial and shallow fascistbook is. I would like to see genuine answers to that question more often, and it fascistbook is shallow because users are afraid to have a go at openly answering that question. That is one of the problems with other forms of communication as well, not only with this particular digitally mediated one. To express one's mind without fear of punishment. To "open one's bowels at the high place". We had this question at the other day's refresher training that why is it poor practice when two carers discuss their sex lives over a client? Well, I said, it is poor practice because they ignore the client and do not involve him or her in the conversation. The others at the meeting were giving me funny looks, as I tried to explain that I think there is nothing wrong with discussing one's sex life. "Oh well you shouldn't discuss your sex life..." and "imagine frail little old lady sitting in her wheelchair while we talk about 'oh last night..bla bla bla'". I am not exactly one who easily discusses my sex life openly, but I think we shold be able to talk about anything whatsoever and ideally one feels the other person's dis-ease when it comes to a sensitive subject. Also, discussing sex life has a wide range of possible aspects. As sex can have different meanings, there is pornography and there is intimacy. Osho comes to mind as he writes about the idea that sexual perversions of humanity are a result of keeping sex taboo. So, I would like to see genuine answers to the question "What is on your mind?" more often, with or without photos of cats and wise quotes. Meanwhile in the boring setting of suburban English flat park with tennis court, grey raven creatures and passing red Southern Railway and dog walkers a large group of buggied mothers gathered to repeat burpies, squats and other exercises in a circle, which makes it all not so boring. Lovely to see them actually, makes me think of the possible energies that gather in that circle and the purpose of this gathering, group meditation, yoga day. I wish adults would stop abusing children (later on I thought I wish children would be able to defend themselves better). Another thought I would like to share, is that I want people not to leash dogs, let alone children. One response I got when raising the issue of nurseries keeping children on a leash that they would otherwise run amok jumping in front of cars. I have yet to find out the name for for the rod that the little slaves are being attached to with leashes and harness. Images of slavery are the first that come to my mind, and it is no coincidence. Well, I think children's emotional wellbeing and healthy growth is more important than having cars around. The present toxic use of cars is a result of similar abuse of children. This cause and effect is something I want to make more clear. Well, I would like to understand it more clearly and also express what I already see so that it might make it more clear for you, or someone else. It is seemingly a big abstract step, and I am aware that there are plenty of books and writings on this subject already, my purpose here is thinking about it in the form of writing and possibly contribute to the discussion and understanding of why are we so messed up as a species and what can we do in order to experience more of the positive side of our universe. At this point to only productive way of expression for me seems to be a sort of free roaming one. What internet would I like to have? I would like if people anywhere and everywhere in the world, in Uganda and Somalia and Syria or wherever would be able to share their views without fear of being punished or judged. Without the influence and filters of any authority.

Today I read in a newspaper about the 14 year old girl who's family arranged a 30 year old man to marry her, and they got married and the "husband" even had "intercourse" with the girl - I realised later on after reading the story, how the article did not make it clear that he RAPED her. The girl managed to run away one day and get help from police. The internet can serve a similar purpose of running away and calling for help - in the girl's situation the whole family was seeing the abuse as perfectly natural, they had a nice colourful wedding ceremony for her on her 14th birthday, which she didn't expect and could not even understand the language it was conducted in, the father and mother and siblings were all dressed up nice and were all happy for her getting raped. She was the only one who was not so, as she was in touch with reality, with her insticts and feelings that said run away. Keeping a child on a leash restricts his or her natural movement, his instincts, disregards its feelings, keeping a child on a leash is a form of rape. The 14 year old girl was responding to her feelings when she had run away from her perpetrators. The leash means, conveys the message, that "you cannot run away, regardless of what you feel". I have mentioned wanting to get back in the jungle. Is getting back to the jungle - to Nature - is that symbolic of the infantile wish of getting back into my mother's womb? Generated by the fear of what is coming after the walls contracted to the maximum and it is time to go. Running child, escaped - connects to the refugee, the asylum seeker that runs away from their perpetrators in hope of a freer community, a higher awareness. Do we have that here? Is that something that needs to be protected by hundreds of kilometers of four meter high fence and barbed wire?

Writing the post and publishing it makes me feel similarly to having applied to my first bjj competition that is yet to happen. Now I keep thinking of what I have written and whether that is true and what to write next. This is part of my way of running away and calling out, following my instincts, contributing to an environment - that is supportive of growth - R.D. Laing writes about. At the training someone said "We shouldn't gossip" and I asked, what about talking to people about cases without revealing their identities, the lecturer was on a clear no, you shouldn't talk about anything that you see at work, you should only discuss it with your supervisors (all this after going through steps of whistle blowing and "No secrets" philosophy. Others were saw it similarly to me, considering it natural discussing it, as long as one does not reveal identities. Regardless what they think, I think it is completely natural to discuss whatever I experience. For example, that all the people I visit have big ass plasma TVs and how come that healthcare professionals that visit them daily seem to have nothing to say about this most powerful and profoundly destructive electronic drug draining their clients lives away. It goes unnoticed that the people that make profit from streaming their commercial and political propaganda at them day long are the exact same people that contribute to, and profit from, keeping them miserable.

article is also on http://minds.com https://www.minds.com/blog/view/465524514915102734/circle-of-buggied..

#care #life #social #lifestyle #therapy #abuse

Old men unite

Old men and women unite. A ninety seven year old Englishman told me that age is only a number and to not to believe anyone that claims otherwise. I have been listening to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata just now on classic fm, the reporter started jabbering commercially. Commercials, I think radios could do without commercials. I agree with Jerry Mander on banning commercials. It is my flatmate that turned the radio on. As I get the familiar irritated feeling - being disturbed by the different sounds and noises this bored, retired man creates, I am reminded of my not being able to create privacy for myself whereas I think privacy essential to my life. I cannot afford my own place although I stress, sweat, "work hard". I spend most of my life working. How did I get here, from the bottom of the jungles, and how do I get back in there? Immigration. "They were killing people as anything" - another old person tells me while I struggle putting on his TED stockings. He grew up in Kenya, fled with his family from Uganda in the seventies. "You know where is Uganda?". Unrelated to this man, the concept of the "hard worker" comes to my mind - what a lie. What a load of rubbish, this illusion of the hard working man. It is like smoking, or drinking, when it is considered manly to be able to drink large amounts of alcohol. Childish, we were hiding on the edge of town on the hill by the Danube river smoking cigarettes, you were meant to smoke without coughing, comfortably, you looked stronger, you weren't a pussy. Work is a disease. It is not something remarkable. Work is toxic. There are so many things one can do in this life. Old men and women unite with everyone else, with children, with the "ordinary", with the extraordinary, with prisoners, with animals, with those labelled "mentally ill" for political reasons, with the young and fresh in soul, look at those who lived long but are/were still fresh, like Alejandro Jodorowsky, Arthur Janov, Stanislav Grof, like Helio Gracie, like BKS Iyengar, learn from them. Television, blister packs and river cruise adverts while the sharks of private "health care" corporations juice your soul and exchange it for death. For the word man, meant for human being, Hungarian uses one neutral word - ember.