Közösség?

Közösség?

"Sokan vágynak arra, hogy öngyilkos merénylők legyenek" Arról kellene még beszélgetni, hogy az öngyilkos és a merénylő azért vágyik öngyilkosságra és merényletre, tudatosan, vagy tudatalatt, mert gyermekkorában bántották, olyanok akiket hasonló módon bátottak. Az idegengyülöletet érző ugyancsak azért érzi az idegengyületet, mert gyerekkorában bántották. A gyerekkor alatt a fogantatástól számított első évek értendők. Mit lehet tenni az erőszak ellen? A legkevesebb az az, hogy vigyázzunk, hogy ne okozzunk fájdalmat a gyerekeknek. Meg kell teremteni számukra a fejlődéshez szükséges környezetet, teret ahol szabadon fejlődhetnek, ahol zavartalanul követhetik a saját érzéseiket, ösztöneiket. A kerítés is azért épül Magyarország határán, mert a kerítésépítők csoportját bántották. A természetes az, hogy nincsenek határok, és az, hogy az erőszak elől menekülőt az egészséges közösség befogadja, megvédelmezi. Engem bánt a gondolat, hogy nem sétálhatok át a szántóföldön a szerb határon. Egy olasz barátom írt a múltkor, Belgrádból, áradozott róla, és Magyarországról kérdezett, fontolgatta, hogy oda is ellátogatna néhány hónapra hazafelé menet. Nem repül. Carpoolinggal közlekedik Európában. Simán arabnak néznéd, vagy romának. Mit érezhet egy utazó egy ilyen határkerítéshez érve? Nekem az első gondolatom most az, hogy "micsoda gusztustalan közösség élhet itt". Itt Londonban száz meg száz különböző származású emberrel dolgoztam, találkoztam, beszélgettem. Számomra a legjobb dolog itt Londonban, hogy annyi különböző ember él itt, és hogy megtanultam, hogy az ember az ember, mindegy, hogy hová valósi, vagy hogy hogy néz ki. Nincs különbség, a baj az, hogy közösségi szinten az emberekben elfojott gyerekkori bántalmazás fájdalmai lappanganak, átérzetlenül, és az a tudatalatti fájdalom fejeződik ki. Azért is írok erről, hogy így leírva átgondoljam, és beszélgetést kezdeményezzek, hogy ezt megértsük. Azt látom, hogy a gyerekkori bántalmazás az oka annak, hogy egy embernek menekülnie kell, annak is, hogy valaki hatalamaskodni akar felette, és annak is, hogy a közösség betolakodónak látja. A szimbolizmus amit a menekült-magyar kifejez, az gyerekkorban alakult ki gyerek-szülő között. Az idegengyűlöletet érzőt a szülei, a környezete ugyanazzal az érzéssel gyűlölte, tudatosan, vagy tudatalatt. Persze ők ezt a gyűlöletet szeretetnek nevezték és ezért nehéz látni a helyzet igazságát. A kerítésépítő politikus a legjobbat akarja, meg az újfasiszta ideológiával szimpatizáló is, mint ahogy őket is a legjobb szándékkal szégyenítették meg és erőszakolták meg a szüleik, ezt tanulták meg, számukra ezt jelenti a "szeretet". Alice Miller szépen leírta, hogy a német közösség milliói miért támogatták és valósították meg Hitler fantáziáját. Hát azért mert hasonló terrorban volt részük gyerekkorukban, hasonlóképpen erőszakolták meg őket és az elfojtott gyűlölet ami a szüleiket illette volna (de nem merték gondolatban sem hibáztatni a szüleiket további büntetéstől rettegve) az a zsidó szimbólumra vetítődött ki, meg az egész világra. Végre ők lehettek a hatalmasok, és nem a szüleik. Ez egy perverz szituáció, egyáltalán nem egészséges dolog, az egészséges az az, hogy gyerekként az embert védelmezik, táplálják, szeretik és megteremtik számára a szabadságot és biztonságot, hogy kapcsolatban maradhasson az érzéseivel. Az az egészséges, hogy olyannak fogadják el, amilyen, azért ami ő, és nem várják el tőle, hogy olyan legyen amilyennek a szülei akarják látni. Ne várják el emberek emberektől, hogy a rendszerbe illők legyenek. Ne az ideológia szabja meg az ember fejlődését. Azért épül kerítés, és azért vágynak öngyilkosságra és merényletre emberek, mert nem tartják tiszteletben felnőttek gyerekek természetét. A természetes az a változás, a spontaneitás, az ismeretlen, a fejlődés, a szabadság, az érzések. Mellébeszélés van. Például a körülmetélés élményének szubjektív élményéről kellene beszélgetni, és a visszaemlékezők beszámolóit kiplakátolni.

watching TV

On my mind are the following. The sound of construction work and a lawn mower overpower the birds. I am not sure what types of bird, it would sound much more intelligent if I did. There seems to be a never ending scaffolding business going on. Am I the only one around finding the noise unnatural? My neighbours seem to have a different idea about noise. To some of them one practicing on an instrument is unbearable noise. Must be a similar experience to my perception of the sound of a chainsaw. I like listening to the one playing the piano on the other side of the wall. One thing that is on my mind, and something that I would like to see realised is a more frequent happening of open gatherings. Initially I visualise a summer dinner down the street, something like the dinner scene on the street in Fellini's Rome. Of course here in London the weather might be a disadvantage, but if people wanted to we could create it. A happening. Where people are free to join, and feel free to join, any stranger would feel welcome. There would be dance, conversation, healthy fresh food, cooking together, playing of instruments, jamming, singing. Not only once a year on a bank holiday, but every week. Not only at a special place but on every street. All these isolated neighbours who rot in their own flats wasting their lives watching TV would find healing in such gathering. This is something that London needs more, or at least this area. Of course the "community" living here might not want this to happen at all, and that is fine, if people want to rot away and stay dead, let them be. But it is an idea I feel like sharing. There are a lot of pubs and night clubs of course, but to me it seems that mostly those places available at the moment serve a different purpose. The purpose of distraction, of getting drunk, of supporting a false sense of comfort.

Another thing that is on my mind and I want to mention is the destructive effect of TV on life, on the quality of life people lead. There is an immense problem with television addiction in our community and it seems to go unnoticed. So this is an attempt to bring any amount of attention on this issue. Television addiction seems to eat up people's lives and it is considered normal. Most importantly, in my opinion, we should look at what drives television addiction, what is the reason for people spending hours watching TV destroying themselves and what can we do to create an environment that supports engagement in meaningful activity. Watching TV, in my opinion - and you are free to rot away watching TV if you want to - is not only meaningless, but is damaging to one's body and life experience, the activity of watching television serves as a distraction from experiencing the gaping void of unfulfilled need, and TV will never fill that need. Something else will, and it would be a good idea to spread the information and work on and realise ideas that help filling that unfulfilled need, or that heal that wound somehow, the wound that is the cause for the craving of watching television. I guess it comes down to the lack of genuine social life for those watching TV. It might be helpful to have a welcoming group available with some people who are alive and healthy and feeling, that show the example of liveliness to those numbed by TV. Social workers and carers, GPs could refer to this group when they encounter anyone with a TV in their homes. You know, "do you have TV at home?" and then refer to the supportive services. TV addiction is just as damaging to one's health and to the community's as heroin addiction, alcoholism, or meaningless slavery work. Check this book out for further reading: Four Reasons for the Elimination of Television by Jerry Mander, you can get it for about £4 on amazon or waterstones marketplace.

Circle of buggied mothers

The Hungarian word "ember" /ɛmbɛr/ means human being, and it is neutral, refers to both man and woman. As the English language uses man primarily for a human being, "ember" is used primarily in Hungarian. I think this example is good use of language in Hungarian. Similarly the pronouns he and she are expressed with the word "Ő" /ɜ:/. What is this an analogy for will possibly come to my mind in the future. The world being one for example, everything is connected - an idea that is not supported, in my mind, by thorough research. I felt like expressing it anyway.

I wanted to continue writing and posting, as I still feel the motivation and especially so as the first post seemed to spur my mind to express more. Stirred my mind. As if sand and rubbish and bits of remains of possible treasures on sunken ships or what not are coming to the surface. Fear. It is clearly fear that pushes me to write. I find it important to explain the purpose for writing, even though I am or was afraid of writing explanations in these posts. For instance, as I wrote this last phrase down I realised that by thinking about the purpose, the purpose of writing becomes clearer to me. So this is, probably the main reason basically, that I think about stuff, and writing it down and making it public makes it clearer. It is one thing to write for myself, in a diary, and it is another to make it public. When I make it public I become afraid and anxious - "oh what did I write, what did I say?" "who is going to read it" "what do they understand" "Oh they will misunderstand that, I didn't mean that" "Oh whatever let them misunderstand it".... and so on and so forth. I cannot promise to be absolutely open and free in writing, at this point, but that is my aim, to become more open and free and contribute to a freer expression and relationship of subjective realities. Tomorrow I might see it somehow differently, and this is something else I wanted to mention, that I retain my right to change of perspective. Is this an unconscious way of defense, defending against childhood pain by coming up with a list of excuses? I do not know, but here we go.

Today I wrote down, in Twickenham (or Whitton, which is considered not a part of Twickenham by some and nonexistent by others) a sketch of what I wanted to say. Ideas and thoughts keep appearing for me on the bicycle and if I don't write them down at that moment they seem to disappear. For one thing, it would be good to see what others really thing about different areas of life. I mean, on facebook, for example, the question "What is on your mind" is an important question, however commercial and shallow fascistbook is. I would like to see genuine answers to that question more often, and it fascistbook is shallow because users are afraid to have a go at openly answering that question. That is one of the problems with other forms of communication as well, not only with this particular digitally mediated one. To express one's mind without fear of punishment. To "open one's bowels at the high place". We had this question at the other day's refresher training that why is it poor practice when two carers discuss their sex lives over a client? Well, I said, it is poor practice because they ignore the client and do not involve him or her in the conversation. The others at the meeting were giving me funny looks, as I tried to explain that I think there is nothing wrong with discussing one's sex life. "Oh well you shouldn't discuss your sex life..." and "imagine frail little old lady sitting in her wheelchair while we talk about 'oh last night..bla bla bla'". I am not exactly one who easily discusses my sex life openly, but I think we shold be able to talk about anything whatsoever and ideally one feels the other person's dis-ease when it comes to a sensitive subject. Also, discussing sex life has a wide range of possible aspects. As sex can have different meanings, there is pornography and there is intimacy. Osho comes to mind as he writes about the idea that sexual perversions of humanity are a result of keeping sex taboo. So, I would like to see genuine answers to the question "What is on your mind?" more often, with or without photos of cats and wise quotes. Meanwhile in the boring setting of suburban English flat park with tennis court, grey raven creatures and passing red Southern Railway and dog walkers a large group of buggied mothers gathered to repeat burpies, squats and other exercises in a circle, which makes it all not so boring. Lovely to see them actually, makes me think of the possible energies that gather in that circle and the purpose of this gathering, group meditation, yoga day. I wish adults would stop abusing children (later on I thought I wish children would be able to defend themselves better). Another thought I would like to share, is that I want people not to leash dogs, let alone children. One response I got when raising the issue of nurseries keeping children on a leash that they would otherwise run amok jumping in front of cars. I have yet to find out the name for for the rod that the little slaves are being attached to with leashes and harness. Images of slavery are the first that come to my mind, and it is no coincidence. Well, I think children's emotional wellbeing and healthy growth is more important than having cars around. The present toxic use of cars is a result of similar abuse of children. This cause and effect is something I want to make more clear. Well, I would like to understand it more clearly and also express what I already see so that it might make it more clear for you, or someone else. It is seemingly a big abstract step, and I am aware that there are plenty of books and writings on this subject already, my purpose here is thinking about it in the form of writing and possibly contribute to the discussion and understanding of why are we so messed up as a species and what can we do in order to experience more of the positive side of our universe. At this point to only productive way of expression for me seems to be a sort of free roaming one. What internet would I like to have? I would like if people anywhere and everywhere in the world, in Uganda and Somalia and Syria or wherever would be able to share their views without fear of being punished or judged. Without the influence and filters of any authority.

Today I read in a newspaper about the 14 year old girl who's family arranged a 30 year old man to marry her, and they got married and the "husband" even had "intercourse" with the girl - I realised later on after reading the story, how the article did not make it clear that he RAPED her. The girl managed to run away one day and get help from police. The internet can serve a similar purpose of running away and calling for help - in the girl's situation the whole family was seeing the abuse as perfectly natural, they had a nice colourful wedding ceremony for her on her 14th birthday, which she didn't expect and could not even understand the language it was conducted in, the father and mother and siblings were all dressed up nice and were all happy for her getting raped. She was the only one who was not so, as she was in touch with reality, with her insticts and feelings that said run away. Keeping a child on a leash restricts his or her natural movement, his instincts, disregards its feelings, keeping a child on a leash is a form of rape. The 14 year old girl was responding to her feelings when she had run away from her perpetrators. The leash means, conveys the message, that "you cannot run away, regardless of what you feel". I have mentioned wanting to get back in the jungle. Is getting back to the jungle - to Nature - is that symbolic of the infantile wish of getting back into my mother's womb? Generated by the fear of what is coming after the walls contracted to the maximum and it is time to go. Running child, escaped - connects to the refugee, the asylum seeker that runs away from their perpetrators in hope of a freer community, a higher awareness. Do we have that here? Is that something that needs to be protected by hundreds of kilometers of four meter high fence and barbed wire?

Writing the post and publishing it makes me feel similarly to having applied to my first bjj competition that is yet to happen. Now I keep thinking of what I have written and whether that is true and what to write next. This is part of my way of running away and calling out, following my instincts, contributing to an environment - that is supportive of growth - R.D. Laing writes about. At the training someone said "We shouldn't gossip" and I asked, what about talking to people about cases without revealing their identities, the lecturer was on a clear no, you shouldn't talk about anything that you see at work, you should only discuss it with your supervisors (all this after going through steps of whistle blowing and "No secrets" philosophy. Others were saw it similarly to me, considering it natural discussing it, as long as one does not reveal identities. Regardless what they think, I think it is completely natural to discuss whatever I experience. For example, that all the people I visit have big ass plasma TVs and how come that healthcare professionals that visit them daily seem to have nothing to say about this most powerful and profoundly destructive electronic drug draining their clients lives away. It goes unnoticed that the people that make profit from streaming their commercial and political propaganda at them day long are the exact same people that contribute to, and profit from, keeping them miserable.

article is also on http://minds.com https://www.minds.com/blog/view/465524514915102734/circle-of-buggied..

#care #life #social #lifestyle #therapy #abuse

Old men unite

Old men and women unite. A ninety seven year old Englishman told me that age is only a number and to not to believe anyone that claims otherwise. I have been listening to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata just now on classic fm, the reporter started jabbering commercially. Commercials, I think radios could do without commercials. I agree with Jerry Mander on banning commercials. It is my flatmate that turned the radio on. As I get the familiar irritated feeling - being disturbed by the different sounds and noises this bored, retired man creates, I am reminded of my not being able to create privacy for myself whereas I think privacy essential to my life. I cannot afford my own place although I stress, sweat, "work hard". I spend most of my life working. How did I get here, from the bottom of the jungles, and how do I get back in there? Immigration. "They were killing people as anything" - another old person tells me while I struggle putting on his TED stockings. He grew up in Kenya, fled with his family from Uganda in the seventies. "You know where is Uganda?". Unrelated to this man, the concept of the "hard worker" comes to my mind - what a lie. What a load of rubbish, this illusion of the hard working man. It is like smoking, or drinking, when it is considered manly to be able to drink large amounts of alcohol. Childish, we were hiding on the edge of town on the hill by the Danube river smoking cigarettes, you were meant to smoke without coughing, comfortably, you looked stronger, you weren't a pussy. Work is a disease. It is not something remarkable. Work is toxic. There are so many things one can do in this life. Old men and women unite with everyone else, with children, with the "ordinary", with the extraordinary, with prisoners, with animals, with those labelled "mentally ill" for political reasons, with the young and fresh in soul, look at those who lived long but are/were still fresh, like Alejandro Jodorowsky, Arthur Janov, Stanislav Grof, like Helio Gracie, like BKS Iyengar, learn from them. Television, blister packs and river cruise adverts while the sharks of private "health care" corporations juice your soul and exchange it for death. For the word man, meant for human being, Hungarian uses one neutral word - ember.

Projects in progress:

Destroy project http://destroyproject.blogspot.co.uk/

Heal - http://healwhole.blogspot.co.uk/ 

Borders - (of the unknown)  http://bordersprojectimi.blogspot.co.uk/

CHAOS - http://chaoswithcapitalk.blogspot.co.uk/

destroy blog and countdown wallpaper

Destroy project http://destroyproject.blogspot.co.uk/

countdown wallpaper.

final year at lcc

Back to university, I have a bunch of briefs to choose from, for this years briefs and I am going to start to work on them here. I was going to open a unique page, but couldn't decide over the title as I haven't chosen the briefs yet.

My dissertation is on art as healing, and the major project would connect to this subject I am working on. 

I'm reading The Courage to Create by Rollo May, It is a powerful one.